Hey there -

I wanted to reach out to the community for some help and guidance. After doing some soul searching and internet research I believe that I am suffering from Bipolar disorder.

I was diagnosed with ADHD at a young age due to extreme hyperactiveness and oppositional defiancy. I was eventually put on Dexadrine which completely solved any ADHD problems but turned me into a zoned out and intraverted robot.

Now in my mid-twenties I am facing some extreme relationship issues with my fiance. Looking back and inward I realize that I have extreme mood changes and a lack of consistency in my mood and confidence level that I just attributed to my ADHD personality for all these years. Some days I wake up and feel like I can take over the world, untouchable, confident, outgoing, and super-creative while other days I feel borderline suicidal or am anxious, depressed, unconfident, and not creative. It seems that sometimes these are influeced by external circumstances, but other times there is no rhyme or reason. I have, however, noticed a pattern of depression and manic states - with one often following immediately after the other. My memory recall and learning ability also greatly differ during these moods. These conditions affect my daily life greatly - affecting my ability to communicate confidently at work, and affect relationships with loved ones.

In reading the descriptions of a manic state - racing thoughts, creativing, and elevated energy levels - I realized that this was an aspect of my personality that I have become addicted to and strive to reach this at any cost. Making impulsive and exciting changes in my life help to create those feelings in my head.

I have an appointment next week with a psychiatrist and can hopefully get a diagnosis and start treatment. I guess I am feeling a bit lost in who I actually am at this point and quetions keep popping up on who I really am. What are my strengths and weaknesses. Am I really intraverted or extraverted? Am I really adventurus and impulsive? Should I be pursuing a different profession? Should I be with a different girl?

Do you agree that I am probably suffering from some type of bipolar disorder? If not - does anyone else have similar symptoms to me? What kind of experience did you have in your "awakening" to a normal life after therapy and medication?

Thanks again for your help and guidance. Feel feel to email me directly as well.