Ok - so you mentioned a lot of things - I am going to try to address them all - I apologize now if I miss any.

First - yes, I personally believe in an afterlife but whether or not a person believes in an afterlife just the fact that this misery (which is life) is over, is an event worthy enough of celebration by itself - but also that the person lived and created memories to be cherished is another reason to celebrate. So whether or not a person believes in an afterlife becomes a moot point, because the beauty of the cessation of misery and of the goodness in the life they lived is now what is able to shine through rather than the daily stressors or illnesses or etc the person had to face. As far as my mom - I used her death as an example, but she had heart problems as long as I knew her. She had joy in me n my sister n her marriage to my dad but she also had several stressors. Everyone has a lot of misery in life. When life is over - whether or not an afterlife exists - those stressors cease to exists, therefore, the misery is over. People go through the mourning process you described whether the death is expected or not - but that is precisely what I am getting at - why do we go through that? Why can we not just let them go n be happy for them n celebrate the life we had with them n that they no longer have to experience the misery we know? We already know sooner or later all of us will die - that is part of the life cycle - so why do we have such a negative reaction to it? I hope that explains what I mean better?

As far as my comment about choosing to miss someone - I believe we can choose all our actions n reactions - down to thoughts n feelings if tuned in enough.