I feel infinitesimally better, overwhelming fear ( I'd say horror) and sadness engulf and devour me almost all the time though, there's no light at the end of the tunnel as far as I can see, but I can see the tunnel a tiny bit more clearly. I m keeping close to my shrink, my meds, my family, God as far as I can feel his presence and to the faithful departed that may aid me from afar. Thanks to anyone that's voiced their support and my hugs out to anyone reading this thread and facing similar troubles. A time may come when this terrible weight is lifted, a time shall come, it cannot be otherwise. A for alive then, and H for healing.