that is difficult. i am lucky to have the psychiatrist i have who i have seen for 10 years now. i just now started talking more in depth about the others but did vaguely here and there over the years. the first four years of seeing her though, i was so dissociated that i hardly knew what the session was about..and i was dissociated 24/7 almost, so functioning was very difficult. sometimes, i just wasn't able to stay that present or a wall was put up so i couldn't really speak so easily. i did bring in some journal entries at one point that explained some things to her.

all i remember her saying the last few years is how my nervous system is wired different and that as time went on, things would start to come together more. for a while, i did not believe that would ever happen because the struggling was so severe and complex. but when something big happened in my life and some things became managed, things inside changed, and i was able to be more present than ever before. i didn't think it could happen...but lately it has been kind of falling apart a little more again which concerns me.

my reason for saying all that is cuz i also felt like therapy was going nowhere...well, i still haven't done actual therapy because of it...i know it could get worse, and i'm not really strong enough to go through some things yet or something since the dissociation is still there.

i don't know what to suggest because i try to just live the best i can day to day..anything else can cause a disruption, relationships, being out in the world too much, etc. so i still avoid a lot..but as far as dissociation when at home, i know it happens, but there is nothing i can really do when it does. i have tried to kept journal entries, but i'm not able to...so what i feel/think during it, if i am able to anyway, i cannot express it....except oddly, i can have conversations with people during it..so that's all i have to go on when it happens since i can't seem to put it anywhere else. makes no sense to me though.

but if you feel you need to keep track of it, maybe a notebook, journal, etc. could be helpful if you feel it is disrupting your life enough and you want to work on things.