It seems the last little while everyone has been talking to me about my SI. How they think i'm such a "strong" person for not doing it anymore. How i've "come such a long way" .... and yes maybe i haven't SI'd since december 16th, but that doesn't mean i'm over it. That doesn't mean i still don't think about it everyday. Doesn't mean that I will have the strength to not do it again.

All this talking about it has triggered me and now I'm just really scared something is going to happen and i'm going to give in. Give in to the blood. Give in to the comfort of darkness and uncertainty. Give in to my irrational thoughts that will undoubtedly hold me down ... threatening to take over me once again.

I keep pushing, fighting with myself to not succumb to everything. But i feel it. The depression. Anxiety. lonliness. If only i could truly reach out to those that i love ... just maybe i might have a glimmer of hope. If only...

Please help.