((((((((((((((((((((((((((((jacq))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))) I wish you could appreciate the achievement of not using SI for such a long time. That will never go away. It is scary to think that maybe things will get too hard and SI will become a viable option again. It is hard to resist a coping mechanism that has worked so well before. You have developed new skills in the past nine months that have served you well. Maybe you can concentrate on those?

The fear of feeling disappointment in ourselves and from others can be very scary. Usually it is connected with very strong feelings. I am sorry that you are expereiencing them as sometimes they make it harder to cope. No matter what happens you have done wonderful to get to where you are now. No one can take that away from you. I hope you can see that too.

Reaching out to people can be very hard and very vulnerable. I hope you continue to try as it gets easier as it goes. Please don't give up. You have reached out here and that is a start.

I understand how you are feeling. Know you are not alone. Take care.

BB