Realization that I love him and if he were to ever see the post I had just written it would not do either of us any good... it was more just venting anyways. I read a bunch of online articles after googling "why men pull away" and came to the realization that it is him, not me. His issue, not mine. All I need to do is let him be and enjoy my life. Which isn't a problem. At all. I enjoy my independence and have a lot going on in my life that interests me besides him. There are plenty of things in life that bring me joy and satisfaction besides him.

I guess it just threw me for a loop that I had been following his lead and he all of a sudden switched gears on me. It really had me worried and spinning all sorts of stories in my head. Well now that I've read up on it a little, I have come to learn that this is a natural progression, and is a normal thing for men to do in relationships. It's all in how I handle the situation. Which honestly, the best thing I can do is to switch gears with him, and keep following his lead. Still keep loving him, but give him his space until he leads us to a different place.

He obviously loves me and cares for me a great deal, and has demonstrated this more than any other man in my life. So for that, I am thankful. He is a blessing in my life, and I love him and care for him too. I guess deep down, when he suddenly pulled back out of the blue, I worried and it made me sad, and a little bit angry too. I worried about what I had done. But I also worried and feared he was abandoning me. Just like everyone else has done in the past. I thought I would lose him, and that sent me into straight up panic mode. Turns out this time, I will have to soothe my own relationship fears by myself and face my own demons alone. When he is ready, if he is ever again, he will show me, and by his actions tell me that he still wants to be with me and maybe even, hopefully, desires me all the more.

What matters at this point, since he is retreating into his "man-cave" to work out whatever internal struggles he is facing, is to take a good look at my own feelings for him. Instead of worrying and trying to guess about what his feelings are for me. If he wants me still, he will eventually come to show me and thereby let me know. As for my feelings and how I feel about him... I couldn't love him more and he truly is perfect for me..