I had a similar conflict when I was younger. You might benefit from reading some of Ervin Laszlo's work. Science and the Re-enchantment of the Cosmos is a good one to start with.
I have been reading some of your other posts and would like to recommend Viktor Frankl Man's Search for Meaning. I think it applies to women also.
Towards the end of that book he writes a little about self-transcendence.
When I was younger I was pretty self focused which I realize now was a source of much of my discomfort.
You can slowly start to gain psychological insight by reading good books I have found.
When I was much younger I was driving my old car and listening to the DJ on the radio. It happened to be Friday the 13th and the subject of superstition came up. The DJ said some philosopher once said that superstition was for people too stupid to figure things out for themselves or can't afford a psychiatrist. That would be me except for the fact that where I live it doesn't cost that much to see a psychiatrist.
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Originally Posted by ScientiaOmnisEst
Not sure where to go with this.
I'm torn between a side of myself that find the spiritual, the metaphysical, the unexplained, the irrational utterly fascinating and beautiful...and the careful thinker who's been basically taught (socially) that all of those things are nonsense for stupid, weak-minded, illogical people who don't properly understand science and need delusional superstitions to make sense of reality.
I've been tooling around online and developed an interest in a subject that rather necessitates spiritual improvement. I can't bring myself, though, to take much on faith (and it bothers me how much "evidence" in favor of the spiritual existing is either taken by parapsychologists or spiritual teachers, or is actual science "twisted and misinterpreted" according to scientists and scientifically-minded people. The word "energy" is the first thing that comes to mind, or how people twist quantum physics as evidence of spiritual realms...). I can't accept that the rational and spiritual operate in some kind of separate realms where one doesn't have to abide by the other. Even though I want to. I want to so badly. But then, any effect I experience will just be my mind tricking me, or a placebo effect, and I'll be ridiculous. At best, I look at it as symbolic...but that's not enough, I know that.
I'm more afraid of consequences than anything. More afraid of being seen as stupid and backward (including viewing myself that way), irrational and illogical. And therefore a terrible person.
I'm not religious, not Christian. So any "let go, let God" isn't going to mean much to me. But I guess I wonder...how can I open myself up more and let myself experiment with less shame and fewer mental blocks?
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