Nikongirl, I'm so glad you saw this thread just at the right moment and it was helpful to you! I'm also very sorry to hear your husband walked out on you..

Dissociation is awful, it makes life SO difficult. I really feel for you. I hope you can get help from someone who knows how to work with dissociation. I've benefited greatly from therapy, but it's been a long and arduous process..

My parents were emotionally unavailable so I learned (wrongly) that I'm unlovable. I basically abandoned my true self as I felt she wasn't good enough. I became someone who, like you, Septembersrain, tried to be perfect in everything I did because I thought that was what it would take for my mum to accept me (my dad didn't want kids and I always felt this). I didn't realise she was sick, too, in her own way.. And that there was never really anything wrong with me.

I've been doing Inner Child work for years now. It's great seeing my true self come out, but I'm still too scared to show her to the world as I fear people will hurt her again.. I'm also embarrassed because I've got these really young child parts whose behaviour isn't really suitable for the almost 30-year-old I am. I'm kind of trying to mature in secret, which is really draining, trying to keep myself hidden from everyone.. Maybe I'll just get sick of it one of these days and stop caring about what anyone else thinks!