Quote:
Originally Posted by eric241
I was in the closet for the first 21 years of my life and I was relatively happy spending time alone. I enjoyed reading, writing, watching movies, etc and I was never really consciously lonely and never really thought much about dating.
Then, I met someone in college on a hookup app and he pursued a relationship, I surprised myself by being open to it and started having feelings for him and then he suddenly broke it off a couple months later without a real reason. (We never fought or anything). Those were the happiest two months of my life. It was all so quick and so unexpected. A few weeks after we broke up he stopped responding to my texts and would ignore me if I bumped into him on campus. It hurt a lot.
But the thing is, that was almost two years ago. And I haven't met anyone else since despite trying pretty hard to date again. And I've now decided that I need to stop trying to date. I need to work on myself and recover an appreciation for being alone and try to enjoy the things I used to enjoy again. I'm not bitter about the experience, it really opened me up and made me a more empathetic person. But damn. The sadness and loneliness is a lot to handle, especially when everyone else seems to be in a happy relationship. I don't want to numb my feelings, but I need to figure out how to be at peace with being alone again and not let the sadness overtake me. Any tips?
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It's tough being alone in a world where it seems like everyone is part of a couple. I had a real problem in my 20s of being a serial monogamist, jumping from one relationship to another. I think that what makes it easier is to make it a choice. Tell yourself just what you said here, you want to work on yourself and enjoy things you used to enjoy. Really focus on yourself, doing things just for you, whatever you like - spa days, spending time outdoors, reading things related to whatever you are working on about yourself. I took a little over a year off from dating and relationships which was really tough for me. I hated it at first. I decided I was tired of wasting time on people who were clearly not right for me and just be ready and mostly baggage-free for when the right person came along.
By the time I met my current boyfriend, I was planning a solo road trip to the Grand Canyon. Travel was always something I put off until I had the right companion for it. I ended up not taking the trip because I got a job right after graduation from grad school so I didn't take the two weeks off like I'd planned, but I'm proud to know that I was going to go so far out of my comfort zone. Now I will do things I never did, like eat alone in a restaurant. At some point I just realized this is the only life I get, and I'm not going to spend it waiting around.