hi September and everyone who reads this......

as you know in the past i was very upand down and very verbal in creative corner and depression and anxiety forums. my husband and family have lived with me and my depression forover 9 months, i've been suicidal, manic, very low. ipushed them all away and my friends. something happened and we were blown apart as a family, i thought i would lose everything and everyone. i had stopped going out virtually, couldn't settle to read or watch a movie or tv. i spent most of my time on pc posting morbid poems one day, happy ones the next. life didn't seem worth living. i coulldn't find the tunel let alone the light at the end of it!
it took the family split and my husband leaving for a week to give me the strength to find that extra bit of rope to grasp at.slowly i found it within myself to start looking at me andtrying to overcome each day by making myself busy and being on my own for a whole week was so hard for me, but i managed it. i was up at 8am working on the house - it's for sale and i hadn't had the motivation to do much for 9 months during the worst bout of depression and anxiety. couldn't settle to do it. i went to bed at 1am every night exhausted! when my husband came home i went to live with my dad, but was back in a day and we are working on our relationship, i managed to get a pdoc at last and a psychiatric nurse who comes once per week and i am able to talk freely about my issues with a trained person. i am on my way to healing, it will take a long time, my therapist bought me a big bag of amethyst rune stones as a gift because she was thinking of me and what i'd been through as a child. it made me cry of course lol you know me.
i hope this inspires people, i was so low at one point in my life if i'd have succeeded in the suicide attempt my children and loved ones would have been devastated, i couldn't see that at the time. i will no longer let my abuser ruin my life. i am letting go. i amgaining control of my emotions without wearing a 'mask'. i'm not saying it's easy, but i want to get better. i want to become a councellor myself one day, my therapist said she could help once i'm recovered! i am going to do a five year psychology course part time and hopefully work again as well - in time. there is not enough help in the uk, if i can make a difference to just a few peoples lives i will be happy.

if you'redepressed and feel there's nothing for you - believe me there is - right around the corner. i hope my words have helped. jinnyann xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox