I don't know quite how to phrase this but I have been leaning more and more towards actually looking in personal ads on Craigslist. You see, I think I have this fantasy of doing wild and crazy things in my head, and in my head it seems like a good idea, but I know that I wouldn't like myself if I did them.
One of these wild and crazy things would be videochatting with someone and both of us doing things on the webcam for eachother.
This part of myself confuses me. In my head I am a very adventerous sexual being, but in reality I am not like that. I am more so uncomfortable with the feelings I get when I am trying to be openly sexual with a partner, almost embarassed. It's especially strong when they reciprocate in a provocitively sexual manor. That's when I feel most embarassed and I shut off.
That's not to say I am unable to have sex, it's just that I am unable to behave overtly sensual and say hot sexy things during the act.
I guess I feel like I have this sexually explosive being inside of me that I can't let out because I get terribly embarassed if I do.
Maybe I hate the feelings of disgust and utter filth I feel about myself when I try and behave this way.
What do you all think and suggest?