This is an excellent topic Artchic!

I am a 35 year old female, and had my moment of self discovery and clarity 5 years ago when I turned 30. I often had the same battle inside of me. I want to be sexual. I want to explore and I have this very explosive sexual being waiting and wanting to bust through for years.

I had split myself in two for a long time. I called Her the "saint" and the "sinner". She was split for a very very long time. I used to have cam sex (never showing my face, you can do that too), so you can be totally disconnected and anonymous without the risk of fully exposing your identity. That's how I handled it for a long time.

Over the years of exploring my sexuality in this fashion, that "saint" and the "sinner" have finally bridged together and I can be sexual with my partner fully.

But I totally I get where you are coming from. If you feel the need to explore but do so safely where you will not cause harm to yourself.

As far the embarrassment goes, there is nothing to be embarrassed about but what you have to find within yourself is the acceptance that you are a vibrant sexual being and these are just some things you crave that a perfectly natural.

Good luck to you on your journey. And remember we are all on this road of self discovery, being sexual doesn't mean you're a bad person in any way.