Why do I keep reaching out to a father that has kept drifting further n further from me emotionally for 29yrs? Am I really that dense or do I just like torturing myself that much? Even the simple things - telling him how much I love him n knowing he won't be able to say it back, writing him a letter n knowing I will never get a response, calling him on the phone and just hearing simple one word responses for 5min before he "has to go" or sending him a facebook message I know he will never read- bring me to tears n leave me feeling crushed - but yet, there are times I feel a need to - n so I do. He is the only parent I have left n technically I am his only blood related child - yet he has a better relationship with my half sister n my 2 step sisters. The only thing I ever did that I guess you could say "hurt" him was becoming pregnant at 17 n moving out right after I had my child at age 18 because my pregnancy too much turmoil. I am now 41 and I ended up having to give that child up for adoption because of things he did - so we both have reason to be hurt but I want to just be father n daughter again. Am I really such a bad person? Am I really just so ignorant I can't get it through my head? Why can't I turn off my love for him as he did for me? Why do I continue on this way?