Quote:
Originally Posted by mcl6136
Hi all,
I've never posted here though I am a long-time poster on the therapy threads, and MI issues for a long time.
Now, however, I'm grieving the ending of a friendship. I realize that this is dwarfed by the deaths of loved ones, which I've also sustained just this year.
But this one has me really bogging down. I feel like there's nowhere I can take this grief in a social acceptable manner, no destination for the grief I'm feeling about the ending of a friendship.
Chris and I were really close girlfriends -- I felt like she knew and accepted me on a lot of levels, kind of like a sister. We did a lot of outdoor activities together and she helped me with craft projects and things that I don't typically do with that many others. AND THEN....she has a sewing guild that attracts a lot of people and she is the leader of the group, which she rules with an iron hand. It's weird to see another side of someone who is much more compassionate on a one-on-one basis. I felt very withdrawn within this group, as if I was watching a car accident as it became inevitable. Chris's bullying and imperial attitudes in the group were cause for concern for most of the other members, but she was hosting at her house and nobody dared questioned her edicts and directives. Until I did. I stood up for someone else in the group and then the s*^^**t melted down. Chris turned her back on me and although I made three attempts, one in writing, to halt the damage to our friendship, she is clearly "over me." I apologized, told her how much our friendship meant, and then wrote a note saying that I would back off and respect her privacy -- which triggered another harsh communication from her, again in writing.
I realize our friendship is shot. But the grief has been long-term and has affected my day-to-day functioning. I blame myself for not anticipating this kind of hostility from her because I witnessed it with others. She is a bridge burner, and I just can't stand having someone out there ....hating on me.
Thoughts?
Is this kind of grief......"real"?
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I think it is normal to grieve and feel bad about this. I am sorry that you are hurting, but I admire your integrity. I have been in a couple of situations very similar to what you described, and it takes a lot of gut to stand up if you know a friend is acting mean. If she is the person who deserves your friendship, she will see her mistake and come around.
It is sad to lose someone who is good company, but on the other hand we risk being hurt if we let people like her come too close into our comfort zone. I also have a "friend" who can be very compassionate and understanding, but on the other hand she acts manipulative, condescending and selfish (I have known her for almost 20 years now). So I keep my distance and don't rely on her anymore.