My grand sponsor (you got a sponsor Psyclox?) used to tell me all the time….”Pain was God’s great gift to alcoholics. It is the ONLY think that can make us teachable.”

Really good and kind people like Raynaadi, EJ711 and Splitimage have told you just about everything you need to know. These people are the salt of the earth, God bless them.

Now the way I see it, you have two choices:

#1 Continue to sit on your pity pot and tell us “I am such a BAD person, I am beneath contempt! There really is something perversely satisfying about wallowing in our own self pity. Nobody does a better job of feeling sorry for us than we do. Do you realize that this self loathing you are engaged in is nothing but your pride? Pride turned inside out, but still pure pride. We are either King of the World or lower than whale snot. In fact we are neither, never were, never will be. It is just our grandiose nature to paint it either black or white. You can keep this foolishness up, or….

Option #2 Get over yourself, dust yourself off and get back in the saddle. Psyclox, You ain’t that good at being that bad. Get your behind to a meeting, pick some poor slob as a sponsor and start the steps like your life depends on them.

My two cents worth.
Richard