Let me first start with I do like jokes. I come here often and write about nonsense most of the time. When I first came here, which those posts are no longer here I was much more serious. I wrote about me, my childhood and how I felt. My thoughts which were understood here like no other place including therapy. Having NPD is like the saying a blessing and a curse. It has helped me in that I was left alone and was able to figure a plan out on my own as a child. At the same time it has created a sense of living, thinking and feeling that is not accepted by most. The thing is is if I would actually show my real self then more would know. Luckily I am able to adapt to situations sort of like a chameleon, disguising and displaying what's needed to gain access to any given task (The mask I guess). To be told no is not acceptable, another character trait that is part due to NPD and the way my path was laid out in front of me. You see the blessing and curse equate to a wolf in sheep's clothing(used this before). I can be the best person you ever met if I need to be and with a drop of a coin I can also be the one who is figuring a plan to destroy you from the inside out. Being shown a direction from yourself can do this, I chose to move ahead and figure out things on my own rather than pick another less desirable PD to fall into(Such a narcissistic thing to say lol). I can be the best when I want, I can also fall behind knowing that I can catch up at anytime. There is much fun in that. If I set my sights on something it becomes mine. The harder to gain the more interesting it becomes. I will never be normal, my thoughts will always be like jumbled letters and numbers and clarity only comes and goes(part ADD as well). You see I always try to give a piece of me when I write like this. Not like the so many who think it's helpful to write quotes and passages from anyone but their own mind. I, at times is here to enlighten and not only mess around. With that I also appreciate when I get the same from others. Unfortunately this doesn't happen often enough. Just remember that if I want you I can have you, plain and simple. Finding the ways to gain is so much fun for me, to manipulate thoughts and take your soul while doing so doesn't bother me at all. If your hurt, I am not. I don't care about tears or sadness, it shows me weakness and not empathy. I didn't create this, my god did. He decided it was best for me to be who I am with what I have. It's obvious that there are so many alike, the ones who I am like were created to be this. Just like you and what you do or don't have. The chosen for a reason by something bigger is what it is. If we created who we really were there would be many more choices on the menu(=DSM). Luckily I have found a person who continues to challenge me and one that I will allow myself to submit to, even if it's all created by me it, still works. My darkness is acceptable and understood be her. She has taught me many things as an adult that I should of been shown as a child. People ask if a person with NPD can love someone, well I have the answer. YES as I do, my wife is that person. I may be all over the place, I am not quoting or going back to review. I am writing raw as always so enjoy or don't(You know you do). I will continue to be who I am. I will continue to work on me. I will also continue with my nonsense as I enjoy it. One more thing that I notice, many come and go for whatever reasons. I know with NPD and being self aware there are long periods of time that we can forget we are who we are. Really just forget our title which probably is the reason for all the drop offs here. I am here, have been here and will continue to stay.

Your welcome,
Sir Underground