First I have to promote your local Women's Resource Center....it's not just for women...it's for people dealing w/such issues. If you look into it you may find a survivors group to go to or even a therapist that had a sliding pay scale. With nightmares coming back it just sounds to me like you need to process this w/someone. I hope you can find some help.
Yes people have all kinds of kinks & your kink may not be my kink & that's ok. That stuff is very hard to share.
I was sad to read about how you think your wife would respond. That's really degrading to me when someone so important in your life can't be there for you. Just makes it all the more difficult to process. I'm kind of hung up on that one. I feel for you.

But still search for someone to talk to.