Your post resonated so much with me, I very well know how much you fell for those children, knowing that they don't have to deal with a life that is cruel and sadistic. You say that you have lived 53 years, that shows just how strong you are in this battle. I am only 21 and I don't think I will make it past 4 years or so. I am currently abstaining from suicide but I know that it will eventually engulf me in the end. I'm only living for the benefit of someone else, and I think its selfish.