It isn't stupidity. It is fear. Fear keeps us from doing what we know we should do, talking to someone. Have you thought about taking to someone now, after you have cut? If you can break the ice, let someone know you are hurting and get comfortable with talking about it when your are not in a desperate state it will be easier to talk to someone when you really need to. As far as masculinity goes, who do you need to prove your masculinity too?
Carrie