It's hard to know what transference feels like sometimes. I got to know it because it was the sense of pending abandonment by my T, so it became easy to recognize. We called these '90-10 reactions' because 90% was 'old stuff' from childhood maltreatment and 10% was rooted in reality. Really, they were more like 99-1 reactions, but you get the idea. I think you can both love a person and experience transference, although these can get mixed up, for sure. I guess it depends on the nature of the transference and how you both experience it.

My transference didn't start until my mom died, about 2 years into therapy, and then it was POW! This, too, made it sort of easy to understand the nature of the transference. I had / have genuine love for my T. Why wouldn't I? More importantly, why is that a bad thing? Many of us grew up unloved and not knowing what love is, and to be more clinical, with screwed up attachment. So here comes this person that is your stability while you have to go back and learn (as an adult) what infants learn - to trust someone close to you. So my question still stands - why wouldn't I love this person?

Perhaps your T is simply trying to protect the therapeutic relationship? Which would be a good thing. This is a very tricky deal, though, so my unsolicited advice is to talk openly with your T about this. I needed mine to be open about her feelings, so that also helped me really ferret apart the transference vs care/respect/love vs attachment to her.