Quote:
Originally Posted by Boxer789
Hey.
I have been a very emotional and sensitive girl all my life. When I was little if anyone ever even yelled at me I would go on crying for hours. I would always be insecure or feel left out and cry all the time. I would cry on the stupidest things. And be affected on everything.
I have been like this till a month ago. I am 19 now btw.
In 2013 when my grandpa passed away I was a mess. I cried the most in my entire family. I broke down in school so many times. I was a mess for months.
A month ago my grandma passed away and I was emotionless. Like ya I miss her and stuff but I haven't cried even once. And I was closer to her than my grandpa.
I seriously feel emotionless. I don't know why I am being like this. Am I heartless now?
And recently my brother got engaged and ya I'm happy but I'm not as excited as I have always been about his wedding. I used to tell people I'll tear up whenever it happens. Now I'm just okay with it.
I know some people will say its growing up. But I have seen so many grown ups cry when someone passes away. I didn't even cry when my grandma who I have lived with for 8 years passed away.
What's wrong with me?
I don't like this change.
I miss the old me who cared about everything and everyone.
I feel like I have a cold heart.
As well as I have been distracted from college for the past 6 months. I seriously can not concentrate. It's so weird. My life seems like its going no where.ugh
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I'm sure you've heard of the stages of grief - Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, Acceptance. It sounds like you are stuck in denial. Not that you deny she's no longer here, but you're denying yourself the grief. I am also a really emotionally sensitive person, and when our emotions are so big and overwhelming, it can be easier to just not feel them. You may on some level be stopping yourself from grieving because you think if you cry you may never stop. You might try seeing a counselor, since you are in school they probably have an on-campus counseling center or something like that where you can see someone for little or no money. If you're not comfortable with that, try setting aside a time to grieve. Like tell yourself, ok Saturday from 2-3pm I'm going to just feel this. You could try some journaling prompts, like these
Grief & Loss Worksheets | Psychology Tools or just google you'll find plenty of free resources.