I've always hated it when T had used that word. I never denied it, but never enjoyed hearing it.

Today after a rough few days, I managed to try and explain to T what I had been experiencing this week.

I was telling her I felt I could read my work colleagues minds. They were all saying they didn't like me.

T them said, I think that's how your mother felt about you, and as a child you believe there's something wrong with you, you as a child don't have the ability to think the only mother you've got can be wrong.

I said, but even though half my work colleagues I don't really care about, and when actually having conversations with them I will stand my ground, I will not surrender my values, unyet in my head....

T said, when your verbalizing yourself, you're OK with feeling different, perhaps risking not being liked? I replied, yes. T said it's the fantasy of not being liked that is hard. YES!! THAT.

I understood exactly what she was getting to. I understood how my mother's dislike of me was known by me, and how that had affected my life.

T asked if I feel disliked when I'm with her? I said, this is the only place I don't feel that way.

But that pointing out the fantasy v the verbal times helped enormously!

Another bit of the puzzle fell into place.