Thanks for posting this, riding solo! I'm glad you found the courage to seek out support here! What a painful situation you are in. My heart goes out to you.

The way your ex-psychiatrist left you after working with her so intimately for almost a decade is heartbreaking. Unfortunately, there doesn't seem to be any recourse for you to get her to contact you at this point. At best, you might be able to file a ethics complaint against your ex-psychiatrist for not providing you with a referral upon her unexpected departure, but I understand you do not want to go that route.

I also understand you do need closure and that it might have to come in a different way than you are expecting it. I know you are seeing a new psychiatrist for meds. Are you seeing an actual therapist as well to help you work through this? A good therapist can help you find alternative closure ideas, talk about what is going on, and teach you ways to cope with all you are dealing with so you can move into healthy well-being.

I am going to go out on a limb here and suggest talking to your current psychiatrist about seeking out an experienced therapist that specializes in trauma treatment. It sounds like you are caught up in a chronic, persistent state of trauma, also known as hell. And if you had trauma earlier in life, your ex-psychiatrist has re-traumatized you, thus amplifying the debilitating effects of your PTSD. A good trauma therapist will know how to best treat you and will have the skills and compassion to not traumatize you further.

There is good help out there for you. You deserve to seek out that help. I wish you well!