Your husband handled the session very well. I love the way he declined to come up with his "one word" and said he would need time to think about his answer. That was brilliant. That was him owning his mental space and not being manipulated by the encounter. I love the way he spoke only, or mostly, about the seizure, which was the supposed reason for this therapy.

So you revealed that: "After meeting my loving husband, I expected to meet his loving parents and they were anything but." That's what you told the therapist! Your in-laws will remember for the rest of their lives that you said that. If they didn't like you before, they like you even less now. So you can't stand these people, and you want to put that right on the table? What do you think you are doing? Were you getting even because your father-in-law said he was hoping to get a loving daughter-in-law and didn't? When he said that, the proof was on the table that your in-laws don't like you. All you had to do was sit quietly and express sorrow and concern that this is how they feel. The person who says, "I'm so sorry you feel that way." is the person who is keeping their dignity." But instead, you got down in the dirt with your father-in-law, and the two of you rolled around in the mud together, exchanging insults. You were winning, and you through it away.

Your mother-in-law sat there, letting her husband do her dirty work, watching you get completely discombobulated. And, when she opens her mouth, it's only to say how she wants people to love each other. What a brilliant thing to say! Your mother-in-law is a genius with words. No one will ever catch flack for saying they want there to be more love. You can consider that first counseling session to have been a total victory for Mama. She didn't express hostility. But you did. She was hurt by the texting - poor thing - and you got all defensive. All you had to say was, "I'm so sorry you found that hurtful." or (like I told you above) "I didn't know you felt that way . . . I'm glad you are explaining this. Tell us more." Then sit quietly and listen, while she does the talking.

If you are looking for affirmation of your perception of things, then go by yourself to a counselor of your own and get therapy for you and keep the discussions private between your therapist and you. That is not what these "family" sessions are for. These sessions are an opportunity for you to practice getting along with these in-laws in a supervised setting, where there is an objective witness to everything that takes place. This is not a contest to win the approval of the counselor. That counselor isn't going to be part of your life. But those parents of your husband's are going to be part of your life till the day they die. And now they have more reason to dislike you. You talked bad about them . . . right in front of them . . . to a perfect stranger.

If you want to bear your soul and put your guts on the table, go to therapy alone . . . or with your husband who loves you. Do not do that in front of these two people who don't like you and do not deserve to hear any of your very personal and private feelings. Your very personal, painful story about what you went through in your family of origin is the last thing on earth that you should discuss in front of these people with whom you are not in a loving relationship and probably never will be. Your goal is to practice getting along with these two bozos in a manner that preserves your dignity and minimizes their access to your buttons and their ability to stress you out. They are not your parents. You have no obligation to love them, only to get along with them as courteously as you can manage, while maintaining appropriate boundaries.

If my post sounds unsupportive, I am truly sorry. You deserve a ton of support. These in-laws are enticing you into an emotional meat grinder, and you are taking the bait. Damage is being done that an army of counselors won't be able to undo. You are handling this as if they were your own parents. They're not. Put up your guard and maintain your emotional boundaries. Do not bare your soul in front of these people. Do not let your mother-in-law engineer you being stripped naked in front if her. No counselor can protect you from that, especially not an amateur. You are responsible to protect you. This is not that courtroom that you went into at age 24. You are handling this, as you did that. (And your effort back then was inept and unsuccessful.)

I am so sorry for the lifetime of pain you have endured. What you are doing is not helping that. If you have a loving husband, be glad of that and protect that. Protect that by refusing to be baited into conflict with his parents in front of him, even if you think you are just following the guidance of a counselor. Stay quiet and let other people talk. Your husband has boundary problems with his parents, and he is as responsible for that as they are. These counseling sessions are for him and his parents to work some of
that out. Just you be a quiet, polite observer, and don't get in the way. Letting you interact with his parents is your husband's way of not dealing. Step back. Let that family work out whatever they will. This should not be about you. By making it all about you, Papa and Mama are completely evading the main issue, which is "Why are they all up in the business of their son's seizure disorder, as if he were their 6 year old son and not a grown up married man, with a wife who is plenty capable of helping him manage his medical issues, as is the responsibility of a spouse - not of his mother.

I hope some of my thoughts may be helpful for you to consider. Disregard whatever hasn't been. You don't have to convince me, or ANYONE, of anything. As long as you and your husband are convinced of each other's love, that is all that really matters. Nowhere is it written that wives are supposed to love their in-laws, or vice versa. Often they don't, and vice versa. And that's just fine, as long as the various parties manage to be reasonably courteous toward each other.

Well, I guess I've gone on long enough. Sorry.