I read every single word of this, and you are probably not that different to thousands of other young people going through college.

Okay you like weed, and you already know it's not that good for you, but you enjoy it, and you know weed makes you not want to do anything.

Taking weed doesn't make you a bad person, and it doesn't mean that your entire persona is of a lazy person, but it's true that weed can make you be lazy.

What are you studying at college? Do you enjoy the course? or is it a course you are forcing yourself to be on? For a lot of people when they do the course that isn't right for them, it becomes harder to study for because they don't feel passionate about it, perhaps you're going in the wrong direction with the subjects you have chosen to do.

I don't think you are the problem, I think you have a problem with the way you see yourself and the fact that you hate yourself, the way you speak of yourself is like a bully, I suggest you start trying to recognise when you are speaking about yourself in a negative way and try change this, and perhaps your outlook on your life, your self-esteem will start to improve.

I have learnt that self-esteem doesn't always come from outside of us, from other people, it has to come from us first, we have to validate ourselves, love ourselves, and that means changing the way we speak to ourselves and view ourselves, changing our internal dialogue.