</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
pinksoil said:
oooh, I've been waiting for this post. You've come such a long way from not being able to deal with your relationship with him in the here-and-now.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

Do you mean that you thought I was okay in this area? or are you thinking like I am that I was pushing this work off and it smacked me in the face last night and now today?

This is why I've avoided this topic with him. When will I learn. I am in major depression at the moment and at lunch, I went on a shopping spree. This isn't his fault, it's mine.

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
pinksoil said:
In regards to your T stating that he feels the connection too-- I can't empathize with you enough. With my T disclosing the reciprocity of connection more than one time within the last couple of sessions (and I was afraid of this)-- now if he doesn't... things sort of fall apart.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

I need for him to do this and have thanked him when he does. Here is what I would've like to hear: "it means a lot to me that you were able to share all of this with me". He said something about that's a nice thought or something like that.

As if it didn't involve him at all. Well, it does involve him. It is his help, love and support that has gotten me to where I thought I was. I do not mean romantic love here. I mean good friend kind of love.

He said something like this to me once way way back in the beginning and I recall those words fondly.

This was so hard for me to do. It was a huge step and now I'm embarrassed I even went there.

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
pinksoil said:
Just be careful (I'm going into therapist mode here) when you state that you want him to say whether he has the "same" connection as you do. I know you probably wrote that unconciously, but I picked up on it because it's something that I have been thinking a lot about lately... and it's hard to come to terms with.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

Yes you are right, I didn't mean the same connection, I just meant what we've talked about before. I feel like he really gets me but last night, I felt like we took major steps backwards. Major.

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
pinksoil said:
But I think it's the 1st step towards a healthy attachment and connection... to realize that even though the connections can be reciprocal in the therapeutic relationship, they are individual as well.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

This is why I think he said what he did last night. I'm thinking I'm okay and he was testing that theory. Guess I failed...

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
pinksoil said:
This is not a reason for you to think you should stop sharing your feelings. He shared his connection with you. That is not going to go away, even if it doesn't state it every week.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

I think I'll table the feelings piece for a long while now. I know that is a bad attitude but I can't see the insight in all of this right now. I just can't do it.