The problems that you're describing sound like they would begin to heal much faster if you had access to a psychotherapist who does EMDR or other therapy methods specifically tailored for people with PTSD and history of trauma.

Many therapists will negotiate a fee with you, or you can call United Way at 211 and ask about mental health agencies in your community. If you go to an agency that treats people with no insurance, they are more likely to work with you on a price for your therapy that you can afford.

Other things that might be helpful are meditation, yoga classes, and maybe L-theanine, a supplement from green tea that is very calming and gentle. It is not typically strong enough to prevent panic attacks, but over time it will help to calm your nervous system.

How is your sleep? That's very important.