Quote:
Originally Posted by sinking
Thanks but im out everyday 12+ hours a day (job+chosen course - hoping to find a better job) and no time for anything else than my bad thoughts.
im back to SH, drinking, bine eating and all that... and i dont know how to stop it.
i take meds, have have docs and Ts but dont feel any of them can really help me. and i dont want to be hospitalized again. actually thats exactly the problem. feeling like my mask is slowly falling apart and it terrifies me more than my plans. i only would like to get to it right now and free myself but there are some rules i have to respect and follow so i feel trapped and im afraid i wont be able to pretend for much longer. letting it all out is out of question.... just need to be strong a little longer. i dont know how much longer though...
please, help me being strong.
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You can be strong--it sounds like you've been through some difficult times already, and you're going to get through this. You've already taken care of yourself by using coping skills and reaching out, even if it's not really helping.
Have you told your therapist and doctor how you feel right now? Is there something holding you back from saying it? I feel like maybe there's a sense that you don't deserve help, and if that's the case, I want to tell you that you deserve help, support, and love. If you're having trouble telling them, maybe you could bring in these posts that you've written to show them instead of saying it out loud?
If you have told them, what have they said? Are they suggesting hospitalization? Or are you just afraid of that as the worst option?