Quote:
Originally Posted by Linus VanPelt
What you need to do is what we all keep doing. We keep going, have each other's backs, and forge on through the unknown. I have family and friends who want to support me but, thankfully, they don't understand what I'm going through. My psychiatrist and therapist try to help me but, while well educated, they don't have the illness so how can they understand? The only one that might have understood was my father-in-law but he "checked out" a few years ago. I saw what that did to his family. It's funny. People say it's the coward's way out but I think it takes a lot of courage and strength to do that. At the same time, I know it's also not the answer. You don't send your car to the junk yard for a flat tire and you don't write off a friend because they missed your birthday. So why do something to yourself because the answer to your problems isn't easy? When we say we can't keep going or doing this, we're speaking out of frustration and because the answer to our problems isn't easily obtainable. But we can't give up. We just have to dig deeper and find the strength to keep fighting. Take very good care of yourself too. You are important.
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I have come to the conclusion that my doc is right - that I may be more bipolar right now than my current diagnosis of severe MDD.
I am having infrequent hypomanic episodes. I wrote a 256-page letter to an old girlfriend and felt elation while writing, but in early November, I found that she had remarried and moved out of state and none of her old friends knew her address.
The next day I woke with an erection and a feeling that my libido had been partially restored. And I'm still in that state. I 'lost' my libido and became impotent in 1999. 16 years later and I'm in a state that MANY with a particular bipolar disorder who have hypomanic, rather than manic, fluxes describe. Today I'm happy. But I know that this won't last. I just suddenly realized that he's right - that I've been going through ups and downs, but only since I began taking Effexor - and that I am bipolar. I'll see him next week. We'll talk. I'll see what happens.
I've never really been suicidal - too many family members lost that way. But I don't believe that there's an answer at all to my mental problems. The drugs help. I'm in an email exchange with two very, very close old friends. But I haven't slept in about 70 hours now.
This will pass and I'll turn into a shadow again. And I'll just take it.
My brain just never stops when I get in these mood swings. My doc also thinks that I may have Adult ADHD. Not treatable with meds because of my heart conditions.
It's a roller coaster. And the anticipation is killing me.