This is my first time posting. I am a 47 years old, married, and I have two teenage daughters. I am considering cutting ties with my mother for good, but I am struggling with this decision because I feel so guilty. My mother has psychological problems, and has always abused me mentally, although she will never see it that way. Since she was so needy, I always took care of her and just let her use me as her sounding board. I have come to realize , after having two children of my own, that I was a victim of emotional neglect. She made me feel sorry for her because she married a man who became an alcoholic, had to deal with an abusive mother-in-law, had a son who got into trouble with the law (my older brother), and had another son (my younger brother), who had a serious learning disability. All of this, I was led to believe, was just too much for her, so she took to drinking herself to "self-medicate", and mixed alcohol with her medication for depression. You can imagine what it was like to live in a home like that. Furthermore, my mother felt that she had suffered more than anyone else in the world because her twin died when she was little and her mother loved her other siblings more than her. I grew up thinking that my mother couldn't survive without my help. Sometimes she was great - happy, working, functioning. But at the drop of a hat her mood would change and she would drink for days on end, make me look after my little brother and meals, plus clean the house. My dad absented himself and would either come home drunk or go to play golf. I married a great guy who showed me what a peaceful and happy home was like. He loves me and supports me, but cannot stand my mother. We moved far away for 15 years and during that time I received many abusive letters from my mother. On holidays I felt guilty, as she and I would have nice conversations and I felt like a horrible person for not allowing her to have a relationship with my kids and for knowing that I was leaving her alone with just my brothers. She told me that it was all my husband's fault and that he was a control freak. I couldn't make sense of anything. All I knew is that I wanted my kids to have a peaceful and happy home, and not to be exposed to my messed up family. We moved back home four years ago and it has been so difficult for me. I tried so hard to get my mom and husband to get along and had dreams of reuniting everyone into one big happy family. Unfortunately I can't make it happen, and I have so much more anger inside of me now because I think back to everything I had to go through and I see that it was so abusive. Even thinking of my mother fills me with so much anxiety that I can't handle it, and it affects my relationship with my husband, which in turn affects our children. My mother will only acknowledge that she treated me badly because she was a victim, and refuses to actually take responsibility. She is narcissistic and doesn't seem to believe that I actually have emotions. She says I am like my father's family, meaning I am cold, and that I sweep things under the rug whereas she is a communicator. Can anyone out there tell me if I am doing the right thing by cutting ties with my mother?