I think it can be tough to watch our children make the same mistakes we make and not react to it. I think it would be more disconcerting if you didn't feel some frustration and even some anger. I know when I try to pass on my learned wisdom to my son or other young folks they often turn their noses up and ignore me. Until they need advise about how to get out of the mess they ended up in because they ignored me.

No matter how to try to analyse the situation the bottom line is that the experiences you went through are still a source of pain for you. Fixing up his place has stirred up those memories again. You feel your own loose again as well as feeling helpless to prevent the same thing from happening to your son. Seeing your son walk into the same kind of situation has got to be heart wrenching and frustrating. Him turning the focus onto you isn't fair but its typical. He doesn't want to learn from your mistakes so he takes shots at you instead. It got you defending yourself instead of your position on his actions. People in denial can be so cleaver hey.

There is nothing wrong with you or how you reacted to this situation. It's about him not learning from his mistakes and perhaps not appreciated what you have done to get his place rentable again.

I know if it were me in your shoes I wouldn't be available to help with clean up the next time around. And there will be a next time until he figures out how to be a profitable landlord. It's one thing to give people a helping hand but along with that one needs to know where the line is between charity and enabling.

Let him take the hard road if he wants. Don't own his stuff is my advise. He'll figure it out eventually.

And I think it might be worth spending time with yourself. Forgiving yourself for what happened with your own house and figuring out what you need to say to yourself of do to leave it in the past. Easier said than done I know but I can relate to your story of looking back and judging yourself.

I may be out to lunch with my post but I thought I'd throw in my 2 bits worth anyways.

Hoping the best for your son and his new tenant. He clearly is a kind and generous young man. Take some pride in that even if it is misguided right now.