I've rescued and adopted (or was adopted by) a few unwanted, abandoned, or semi-feral cats the last few years. Some came w/ kittens or had kittens before I was able to get them fixed. The kittens usually became tame and were adopted out through a local agency, or in a couple of instances to people I knew would be responsible owners. Two became indoor cats and there's three who chose to live outside. So. its always worked out well. A while back I noticed a cat who seemed to be living in a large shopping center. He was getting enough to eat but his future seemed limited living there. Over the course of a few weeks I tried to gain his trust. I got close but not close enough. I was able to trap him early one morning on a day that a local group does a low cost spay and neuter program. It was about 5am so we went straight to the clinic to be sure to get a place in line. I picked him up later and brought him home assuming he'd become another backyard cat. I kept him in the cage one day and then let him out. I kept him inside another 5 days per clinic instructions. He stayed hidden a lot but a few times brushed against my leg or sat in front of me behind my computer stuff. He had one incident on my bed but after that he began to use the litter box. He never exhibited much feral behavior. No hissing or growling. But he wasn't approachable either and would attempt to find a way out through windows. Once there was a wild scene involving trying to escape through the kitchen window and running across a counter top making a mess and breaking a few dishes. At the end of the fifth day I opened the back door. I hoped he would wander out and see the food bowls and make himself at home. When he finally noticed the open door he bolted. I haven't seen him since. That was September 19 and I'm pretty sure I won't be seeing him again. The first three weeks I went out 2 or 3 times a day (night really) and searched the neighborhood. Thoroughly. I know a lot of people so I put out word that I lost a white cat but nobody has seen him. I didn't really expect to get him back. I did hope to see him. Alive. Now I'm down to searching once a night and that's more obsessive and guilt driven.
I feel like I screwed up. He was okay before. I don't expect anybody to read this and offer suggestions. I don't even expect anyone to read it. I just needed to write it.