Hello everyone.

First of all, I would like to apologize if this is the wrong section of the forum, because I am new here. Although I have followed this forum for a long time.

I am a male, 21 years old, and studying at a medical uni and physically active. I don't know what's wrong with me because I'm feeling low about no particular reason.

I can start to cry thinking about my family, because we don't have a good relationships, especially with my father, whom in the past, would yell/hit me for everything I did wrong, and call med stupid. Now he is trying to connect as I've moved out, and I try my best, but it feels so weird.

I am completely awkward in social situations and have never been good in social events, incl. events with my family. I feel anxious when I'm walking in the streets, I feel like all the eyes are looking on me, so for the last 2 years, I've basically isolated my self, even though it's not that extreme. I workout , then I come home and that's basically my day(beside school of course). I don't know who to talk to or anything, because I am in a foreign country. I've ended a lot of friendships because I just can't enjoy them, and I hate my self for that reason.

I think I just feel so lonely, and being lonely is my fault because I can't help but push people away. I often sit in my room and play my guitar and drink whiskey while crying... I have a roomate, but we can't connect 100% either, because I just can't talk to people and enjoy the conversation. I simply don't find anything interesting anymore.

Not to mention, anhedonia. I have the inability to feel pleasure. I don't know why anything can't make me happy. I just generally feel sad all the time. I hate my body, i hate my face, I hate the way I talk, I hate basically everything about my self and honestly speaking, if I was to die, I wouldn't care at this point.

Has anyone ever experienced something similar? eventually, what did you do to fix the problem?

Sorry for the long post.

Have a great weekend.