i have been dealing with depression anxiety for a long time. i get anxiety/panic attacks that i cant breathe, and feel like i am going to die. i just feel its hard for me because i really dont have anyone to talk to. here and there i will talk to a friend, but it seems like they do not understand or really dont want to listen. i dont get along with my mom to good because she is an alcoholic. the rest of the family forget it. i will start therapy when i get ins. i also deal with the loss of my sister in 97. she is my best friend and my family. i sit here by myself and cry. i pick up the phone and i have nobody to call. i try so hard to change, but when people put you down most of your life, you only have yourself to say good job. im just really scared of life. many times i feel as if i am not even alive and i dont understand what is around me. i do try to change, but i get stuck over and over because i dont know what, where, how of anything. i have problems sleeping as well. i dont want to be alone anymore. my birthday was about a week ago and only 3 people called me. it just was not a good day at all. i try to help myself by reading books, research, this forum, etc. i just wish someone cared. im 31, people say i look as young as 24, but i feel as if i am a lot older than what i am. i reached out for help so many times. i dont know what to do anymore. i feel as if there is no place for me on this earth.