How could you possibly be to blame for the passing of your mum when you were but a child yourself? That your father may think that, even subconsciously, and treat you so harshly for that reason is beyond the pale. I can assure you that you were not to blame, just as children are never to blame for parent's divorce.

I can offer no solution as to how to try to modify your father's behaviour, I wrecked a relationship, sold everything and bought a business with mine after not talking for 8 years in a desperate attempt for approval. Outcome: a spell as an in-patient in a Psychiatric Unit because he drove me so far down. The business disintegrated, he walked away with everything, I was left with nothing, just more broken.

We can chase dreams of approval, but if the lines of communication are not open, we are unlikely to make headway.

I had little contact with my father after these events until his death. He has even made me feel guilty posthumously for leaving things unresolved.

I am terrible at taking my own advice, but try to set yourself an achievable target - say, a few days - where you will totally immerse yourself with your dogs and your life without attempting any contact whatsoever. Blank that part of your life out of your mind with distractions as much as you possibly can. Give yourself a break, be kind to yourself.

Dave