So I went for the follow up tests on Thursday, all by my lonesome.... Why? I don't know, I didn't want to go because I was scared and I couldn't tell anybody because then I'm negative 'again'! The oncologist asked me why I didn't say anything after he told me what they found and that I must start with chemo again ASAP! Nothing I say or think will change what he told me, will it?

It feels like I'm being punished and I can't help thinking what did I do to derserve this "drama/crap" in my life! Then I think what my husband pastor asked me a while back "if you don't want it to happen to you, who do you want it to happen to?"

In one of my threads I asked "what's next?". I suppose I got my answer...
My "people" don't know what the dr said, I told them everything is "fine"! I don't want them to suddenly change their attitude and feel sorry for me...

I'm not allowed to show my emotions around my husband/family and all that I do when I'm alone is cry!

Can I have some (((hugs))) please?

Thank you :