Quote:
Originally Posted by Crypts_Of_The_Mind
Thank you for all you have said  . I have been told many times to just let them go - even my sister (who is trying to rebuild a relationship with me) has told me to let my dad just do whatever it is he is going to do. I never considered he might have favorites - maybe that is what it is, I don't know. I know to many that explanation would seem painful n unfair - but to me, it would be better than thinking he simply doesn't love me cuz I took the love of his life away (I blamed myself for my mom's death n that was never worked on in counseling-I have since reasoned with myself I was not the cause but at times I still have that sense of blame n I always believe my dad believes that way n despises me for it). |
I have read that sometimes one child in a family system gets the job of holding onto family shame. It isn't their shame. This is difficult to consider because it isn't rational or logical. But your child-self was not rational but rather a feeling being. I actually think I am suggesting this because maybe I was given that job in my family. If you become the designated "shame-holder" then people are going to kind of detach from you. The point is...realizing that you were maybe given a role you didn't deserve, and you accepted it because you were just a feeling-child and without firm boundaries. Maybe try to let go of trying to find a rational explanation. There is definitely some kind of barrier that is holding back your father's affection. I would say feel the emotions but realize these are the emotions of a child. As an adult you can reframe and revitalize your life-story. As always, Crypts, you inspire me to do the same!
