Quote:
Originally Posted by DechanDawa
I have read that sometimes one child in a family system gets the job of holding onto family shame. It isn't their shame. This is difficult to consider because it isn't rational or logical. But your child-self was not rational but rather a feeling being. I actually think I am suggesting this because maybe I was given that job in my family. If you become the designated "shame-holder" then people are going to kind of detach from you. The point is...realizing that you were maybe given a role you didn't deserve, and you accepted it because you were just a feeling-child and without firm boundaries. Maybe try to let go of trying to find a rational explanation. There is definitely some kind of barrier that is holding back your father's affection. I would say feel the emotions but realize these are the emotions of a child. As an adult you can reframe and revitalize your life-story. As always, Crypts, you inspire me to do the same!  |
You have no idea how much these words mean to me nor how much sense they make! The only problem is - I don't think it's ever going to be something I will be able to let go of - I remember too much.
I remember how it felt inside my heart to be loved by him.
I remember sitting on his shoulders when he would carry me out in the ocean just beyond the wave break so I could feel myself rise and fall as the waves passed by.
I remember playing outside with him.
I remember him teaching me how to ride bike.
I remember "helping" him fix the car.
I remember sitting on his knee when he would rock me.
I remember going to family picnics.
I remember his smile and his laugh.
I remember the love in his eyes when he looked at me.
I remember the security I felt just knowing he was there.
I remember how it felt being hugged by him.
I remember my dad...and I miss him, it's like a death and yet he's still alive.