boy what a scrambled post huh? Today I did good things. The living person is safe and has a measure of comfort, small but real. The dead person died very quickly, no suffering. I am fully aware that there are no black and whites here and see all the greys and it's an incredible experience. I deal with death a lot, it is not death in it'self but the trauma of what I unexpectedly walked into. But I comforted a human to a great extent today and helped another and that's okay. I am capable of loving people even when I know they have done bad things. I love a lot and it opens me to pain but also life of fullness. I can see a fragile soul and offer love without conditions. I am not there with my own family who caused me so much pain. I see pretty black and white there, but I am there in the world and I am happy about that. My job is trauma after trauma and I choose it. I think the key is to feel it and know it's okay and move beyond it. It is okay to be sad, shaken, feel loss. Not allowing the feeling causes more pain. I hope this makes some sense to you all. Out of the ashes I have found a small gift and am able to share it.