You sound like you are a perfectionist. i used to be like that as a child but it drove me nuts!!!i learned i don't have to be perfect when i started working and making friends who i knew would accept me if i made mistakes or wasn't always on top. i didn't actually like myself when i was a kid either because of it. i learned to accept myself if i could only do whatever i was doing as good as i could do, not what someone else expected of me.