idk, i just feel that way. i don't really understand why i do this myself. but a feeling just pops up and makes me think he doesnt care, and makes me wanna punch him in the face as hard as possible. i dont want that.

alot has happend tho, when he was together with a good friend of me, it totally ruined our relationship i guess. im not sure, it was long ago. but i felt different since that moment.

i just WANT to love him. i dont want to get mad all the time, and i have no idea how to solve it.

he lives far away, i live in the west of europe and he lives in the east. i know him for 5 years, but we dont have a relationship, only a crapload of fights.
i dont expect him to love me, altho it would be awesome. he acts very sweet to me, these were his last words:

"okay
much luck to you
love urself and respect urself because if u dont how can someone else
u r important
and see u in another life
*seeya*"

we made a compromise from 6 months not talking, after i wanna do it well.
i just dont know, maybe we grew out of eachother, but i think i still care, tho it feels different: it doesnt feel dreamy and fluffy anymore, it feels like a scream, like i want to reach him.

im not sure what he meant with "see you in another life" but if he means he doesnt ever want to talk to me anymore it would shatter me.

it feels like i have no other choice than bottling up my emotions, that im stuck and i just cant send my love to him, so it turns to hate.
i cant hug him, or kiss him, and i know nothing.

i dont know how to deal with this.