I guess i dont see a contradiction between what you write here and what skyscraper wrote. I dont worry too much about the always and nevers.

I would have gone a step further and said, what if when you go to pick him up at the airport and he acts like an absolute richard? Then i realized that most people wouldnt put up with carp like that. That that is abusive?

Its like - the FOO always made a HUGE deal if i said i couldnt make it home for a holiday. I realize now they were overcompensating, making ME feel bad, when actually they felt guilty about not wanting me there. I dont know how thats related but i think it is.