Man, I'm sorry all this is going on for you! I know you didn't know it then, and I'm not 100% sure I'm right, but I am pretty sure they couldn't do anything to have your marine bf demoted for dating a 17-year-old; in most states, the age of consent is at least 17, if not younger.

I'll be honest...I'm not sure your bf is such a great guy, if he expects you to "take one for the team." Are you sure your future in-laws wouldn't accept you, or is that just insecurity that they might not accept you, if they knew your secrets? I know some people have a harder time with these kinds of things, but as much as I'd like in-laws I got along with, I wouldn't give a rat's patootie if my in-laws had a problem with me for my past. But I wouldn't put up with a bf who expected me to do what my abuser (or even someone I just wanted nothing to do with) wanted, either. I understand that you care for him, but this is just how I feel.

Why is your bf more concerned with protecting his family than the woman he plans to marry? You're supposed to be his top priority, if he's going to marry you. I really don't think this is a guy you deserve.