thx everyone. I have thought more about this. It made me feel good to visit her and brighten up her difficult days. Why should someone take that moment away from either of us. More importantly why should I allow someone else to make me feel ill at ease when I am doing something that feels so right. So, come this week I will make another trip to see her and to the hell with my ex sister-in-law. Someone needs to be there for this old gal - it might as will be me.