No, I don't think that's what he meant, because he argues with me that it isn't always to hurt a woman, and that sometimes he's just horny. It's hard for me to explain, but I don't get that feeling from him at all...and I've brought it up.

I don't believe it's "about" sex, even though it arouses the rapist. I understand what you're saying, but I disagree. Arousal is secondary; demeaning and overpowering the woman is primary.