I am now out of training with my new job. Lots of info and note taking, self studies, **** was breezed over that didn't help us much. 5 weeks of training longest I have ever done for a job and yesterday it was over. We had proctors helping us on the calls and where to search in the knowledge base most of them you will find and others there won't be an item.

On Thurs, the proctors and performance coach noticed I was having a hard time finding a knowledge item plus finishing up a ticket. Yesterday, the coach scared me when he tapped me on the shoulder wanting to speak with me privately - yes I had tears in my eyes like I was gonna lose my new job. He asked what am I struggling with and told her the areas I was having issues in. One of the proctors spoke to me for an hour about the issues I am having. I am sorry, my English (first and only language) isn't so great, I suck at explaining, and my confidence is ****. For the past couple of weeks, in the beginning, I was doing fine and later in the week(s) I was ****ing up bad.

Since then, **** was going downhill as to what I was suppose to explained. I am doing tech support (2nd tech job) for a large insurance company and we get the insurance agents calling in asking questions same with other departments calling in needing assistance. There are different situations for each and I don't want to give someone the wrong info already had a few who've gotten angry with me one told me I didn't know what I was doing! ****, I am new yet she didn't know that and we were told we don't have to tell them that.

I was in tears all day at work pretend to put on a happy face. I don't know what I am talking about on the complex issues, **** is being recorded on the computers and calls, etc. They want to help us succeed which is great and I don't mind taking the help at all! I took notes, but that means nothing until you do it in real time. They say oh it's easy, no it isn't. This is a corporate job completely different from when I was working for a community college polar opposites! Hard to read/study during down time especially when the calls come in a lot. We were not allowed to take any of the materials home to study all internal stuff stays at work plus I suck at taking notes and 90% of the listening in class didn't retain it.

I have always been the slowest one to pick up learning material(s), always tutored, and the worst part I have been told in my life that "I wasn't meant to either learn xyz" or "you are too slow to learn the material." No, they didn't say that at my new job. I have been pretty frustrated for a couple of weeks and can't believe they are turning us over to the wolves on Monday. We can IM a group to point us to the right item but no assistance like really?!

Sigh. I have no intention of quitting I just don't want to be a wreck on Monday for 8.5 hrs. The proctors were saying how I was being dependent on them not on some of the days where I got it! I damn sure have no intentions of ever going back to part time! It almost took me 2 years to get a full time job plus going on over 30 interviews in a year to get somewhere. I have plans to move to another city as my money goal is getting closer. I am very grateful for what this new job has to offer. My explanations to clients sucks, I wasn't great at explaining in my previous job, nor am I great at open ended questions - I am all over the place! I damn sure don't want to be in that unemployment line again!

A long term employee said it took her 8 months to get her job down packed which I believe her. tech jobs are not easy to grasp in the beginning this isn't slinging burgers where you can pick it up in a few days. I might talk to my therapist about this on Monday after work if there's time and might also talk to a college counselor about this as well. Yes, I wanted something completely different that wasn't part time anymore with very limited access to getting a job giving me complete access full time and benefits. I just need to keep pressing and keep going forward that I came this far with the money and job skills I made/built so far.

Sigh. I just needed to vent badly maybe someone can lend me their insight? I have always had a very hard time picking up any type of learning/skills, always dependent on others for help all the time (instead of figure it out first then ask for help when needed), and just beating myself up. I just don't want to be viewed as a failure by my fellow trainees or myself. I can do the job it's getting down this **** is the hardest plus my keywords for searching sucks too. I want to do a damn good job knowing I know what I am talking about I have too many uhh's and umms when speaking to the clients. I can't seem to be sure of myself if I don't know what the hell I am talking about.