Quote:
Originally Posted by ChipperMonkey
I feel very much the same. Our diagnosis' differ, but I'm in a similar place. I'm 36, live with family, only ever had one relationship in college, no kids (I can't handle that kind of stress), and a career in anything I'm interested in is going to be difficult. (But to my credit I am trying....) Yeah, guys our age.....either already married/divorced with kids or they've got other issues which have kept them single. (Sounds hypocritical I know but I need the draw of a more stable person or I risk becoming destabilized.) It stinks being 36 and feeling life is over, giving up on dreams. It's hard to give up on the kid thing, but I know it's not going to happen and I refuse to be a step mother either. I don't need that drama. But now facing being alone for life and not being able to ever support myself? I don't want to think about it.
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Although I would never wish for anyone to have these feelings, it is comforting to know that I am not the only one.The only time I have really lived without trauma are the years between the beginning of college through to the age of 25, when I first started having depression and then hypomania.
For four years I lived with two people who were my best friends. I had some
wonderful times with them, but I was still going through constant periods of mania and depression.
I too wonder about whether or not I will ever fall in love or get married or have kids. Being a mother has never been very important to me, but I would at least like to have that option. What I fear is being old and alone.
It is a terribly sad feeling to think that you will never fall in love at our age. Especially if you have never been in love before at all. Now I feel that the only men who are available to me are ones that have their own baggage, and I may possibly even be relegated to being with a man who is mentally ill himself. Two mentally ill people in a relationship cannot hold their fragile lives together. And of course, having a child with two mentally ill parents exponentially increases the chance of the child having mental illness. You have to ask yourself, is it even fair, is it even the right thing to do to bring a child into this world with such a high chance of being mentally ill? Would you ever want your child to have to go through the emotional horrors that you yourself have had to face for years on end? It is a moral question.