Here is my opinion.

I think your "need" for a husband has led you to choose unwisely. This man sounds incapable or unwilling to cherish you or treat you with love and respect.

Why do you need a husband? Why do you need this husband? For income? You're not getting much benefit in that department.

I often think people believe they must love whoever it is they are with as a means of unconsciously justifying to themselves why they are with someone. This man does not sound very loveable to me. Nevertheless, even if you genuinely love this man, your needs are not being met. And your needs are important.

Either you adjust to his ill-treatment, or you find a way to get your needs met. Frankly, I think he is unlikely to improve because he has the upper hand. I've never heard a man describe his marriage and a situation in it as "stirring the pot"--what is he talking about? Your wanting to be treated like half of a loving relationship?? If you are in a relationship, you should be half of a loving relationship--and I don't see that here! Ask him to get marriage counseling with you, as a condition of continuing the marriage. If he refuses, I suggest you get your children to help you move out. Then start a new life for yourself, one that includes professional counseling to help you explore why you have been so willing to accept ill-treatment most of your life. You deserve better.