I can relate and I want to say your not alone in your feelings if that helps any. I'm in the same spot right now. I've been trying to distract myself from my mind with coloring, making crafts, listening to music and watching tv. I'm staying away from all the tragic news going on in the world right now, that just brings me down more. I try to tell myself something has to change, I don't always believe it, but life does change all the time. I hope soon you'll feel better.